I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
