i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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