I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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