you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I will be naked everywhere
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
