I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
