I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
