so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
