I just threw up on my dentist
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
