nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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