Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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