Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
