It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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