I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
