3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
