apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
