i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
