how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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