He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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