They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
