i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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