Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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