I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
