she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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