Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
