I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
