Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
