I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
