Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
