I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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