Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
