I'll bet she douches with gravy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
