Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
