I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
