I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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