I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
