Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
