I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
