im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
