dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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