the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
