Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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