I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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