Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
