I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
