I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
