Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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