Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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