I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
