quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
