omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
