Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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