I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
